3 Good Leadership Intentions That Inhibit Performance
Pathways, or Problems?
While leaders often do their best to create positive work environments and motivate their teams, some actions that seem kind and well-intentioned can actually cause problems in the long run. They see these actions as pathways to results, rather than as the problems that they are.
When I teach leaders how to incorporate coaching into their conversations at work, “paradigm shift” seems too mild of a label for what happens to a leader’s view of their role. Their antiquated concepts of leadership are obliterated! That said, it’s a complicated shift to make. I’ve noticed that the old ways of being are rooted in very positive intent, which makes them all the harder to shift away from.
Here are three examples of these well-intended, though restricting, paradigms:
Old paradigm: We solve problems.
We looooove fixing things! We share our lessons learned so that people don’t repeat our past mistakes. We offer a creative solution when they bump into a stubborn obstacle. They come to US when they have a problem, so we put on our capes and save the day!
Or do we?
As a leader rises through the ranks, it becomes more and more important to build their team’s capacity for solving future problems. Though exposure to your solution methods will seep into their problem-solving skills over time (the osmosis approach), this will always be a much longer process than you anticipate. The osmosis approach takes more time than a coaching approach would, and it also sacrifices the development of an individual’s awareness, logic, and intuition. You’re teaching them how to solve today’s problems your way, not building their capacity to solve unanticipated future problems.
New paradigm: We coach our people to solve problems.
You set your solution aside and host a conversation where they discover a workable solution that they can own, act on, learn from, and apply those lessons to a revised framework for solving the next problem.
Old paradigm: We spare people’s feelings.
As the concept of Emotional Intelligence has gained traction, most leaders are now aware that emotions play an important and unavoidable role at work. Emotions influence both team members’ AND leaders’ behavior, so wise leaders tread carefully when information is likely to elicit a strong response.
In doing so, leaders are not only trying to anticipate and manage the other person’s emotional state (sadness, anger, worry), they’re attempting to manage their OWN state (fear of the person’s reaction). Leaders soften the blow, downplay the news, or use the compliment-criticism-compliment “Oreo” approach—which tastes much more like a sh*t sandwich than the crunchy, sweet cookie it’s intended to be.
New paradigm: We give space for feelings AND speak clearly.
Embrace a BOTH/AND perspective, rather than an EITHER/OR. See yourself as capable of being BOTH compassionate AND clear—rather than limiting yourself to being EITHER compassionate OR clear. Brene Brown says “clear is kind.” Gary Vaynerchuk talks about the power of Kind Candor. The authors of Radical Candor describe it as “to care deeply and challenge directly.”
At the root of all of these sound bites is the BOTH/AND paradigm. They acknowledge that not-so-good feelings may come up in these conversations, but that ignoring the painful reality is worse in the long term than confronting the discomfort.
That said, delivering difficult news can take its toll on you. Complete the stress cycle for yourself—engage in vigorous exercise, seek social connection, or practice creative expression.
Old paradigm: We set goals that we think will motivate people.
Whether we’re setting bold stretch goals or setting the bar low, we’re attempting to manage people’s expectations of themselves. We want them to see and step into their fullest potential by tackling a BHAG—our way of saying, “I believe in you!” Or it may be the opposite. We don’t want them to feel deflated by a huge goal, so we encourage them to take a small step—trying to reinforce their sense of self-efficacy by saying, “You can totally do this!”
Though these are both admirable desires, they are *external* inputs to an important *internal* aspect of motivation and learning: setting our own goals. When a person sets their own goals, they don’t have to deal with the external pressure and guilt associated with letting someone else down. They will feel their own internal pressure and the resulting sense of triumph or disappointment—emotions that are far better teachers when they come from within rather than from an approving or disapproving authority.
New paradigm: We use a coaching approach to goal-setting.
When you coach your team member in setting goals, you are neither dictating the goals, nor are you silent about your needs. If their own goal falls short of what you’d like them to achieve, you may need to develop a shared understanding of the bigger picture with them. You may educate them on how their input impacts the organization’s mission and goals. You may also offer more resources than you originally thought would be needed. And it will be worth it: using a collaborative problem-solving approach to goal-setting builds the relationship, and it also results in greater ownership by the team member.
Be Generous, Positive, and Compassionate—With Yourself
Each of these three original paradigms have generous, positive, compassionate intentions behind them. You want your people to thrive, and you want to support your team in achieving shared goals. And you can accomplish that far more effectively when you shift paradigms.
When you’re ready to embrace the new paradigms, be generous, positive, and compassionate with yourself. Appreciate the inherent goodness of your generous spirit, misapplied though it may be. Practice positivity as you face your own challenges with these shifts, reframing difficulty as an opportunity for growth. And be compassionate—feel the feels that come as you grieve the transition away from your old paradigms, and have patience with yourself as you work through them.
You and your team will be stronger on the other side.