What Most Leaders Get Wrong About Coaching
One of our Coaching Skills Academy students recently asked this:
“I ask questions. People come up with their own solutions. Isn’t that coaching?”
My answer: Maaayyyybe.
If you believe the research, then you know that most leaders think they’re coaching their team. And you also know that over 90% of them are wrong.
But maybe you don’t believe the research. I get it--I’m one of the biggest skeptics out there! If that’s the case, please hear this:
Since I founded Leader of Areté over two years ago, every single one of our 42 graduates has ended their three days of training with a sheepish grin or look of bewilderment on their face, saying some version of this:
“I didn’t know what I didn’t know!”
They’ve confessed that, until they took the course, they didn’t REALLY know what it looked like for a leader to coach their team. And now that they knew what it looked like, they also knew without a doubt that they hadn’t been coaching their people before.
They may have been mentoring, counseling, or advising their team, but not coaching them.
And that’s when the motivation REALLY turns on for these leaders. They see both the potential of coaching and they see the vast untapped potential of their team members just waiting to burst forth.
You may be wondering…if most leaders incorrectly believe that they’re coaching their team members, what behaviors are they mistaking for coaching?
Mistake #1: Asking questions they already know the answer to.
If you believe that you already know the right answer to the question you pose, you’re not coaching. Be willing to be the Queen or King of Dumb Questions. It gives you permission to be genuinely curious and evokes deeper thought in the coachee.
Mistake #2: Believing that they need to get the coachee to see it their way.
One of the coach's tasks is to listen deeply and hear the coachee’s story so they can visualize their mental map of the world. The coachee doesn’t need to see it your way…you need to see it their way in order to effectively coach them.
Mistake #3: Assuming that they and the coachee both agree on the intent of the conversation.
A wise coach overinvests in establishing the goal upfront and constantly revisits it to check for progress and alignment.
Mistake #4: Leading the coachee to a predetermined outcome.
Similar to #1, this is where the leader guides the coachee to answer questions in a particular way, resulting in the coachee choosing the path preferred by the coach. In doing so, the leader does not expand the coachee’s awareness, they trick them into choosing a new perspective.
Sound familiar? Don’t worry. You’re not alone! And the good news is that you CAN learn how to realize the vast untapped potential of your team. Research has shown it, and so have our students.
Say YES to this!
When you’re practicing coaching, you’ll be able to answer yes to these questions:
Did the coachee’s awareness expand organically?
Did they willfully choose an action to take, based on their newly expanded awareness?
When you can say yes to both questions, not only are YOU coaching…THEY are growing in their confidence!