Change Your Questions, Change Your Life

Where are you in the polarity of action versus reflection?

With our relentless and urgent need for information and decisions, we favor leaders who display a bias for action. Those same leaders also face complex decisions and nuanced information which require the opposite: quiet reflection. We must be able to hold both—action and reflection—simultaneously. Action is most leaders’ go-to; it’s often reflection that we’ve got to develop. And what I’ve found is that the value of reflection is only as high as the quality of questions you ask. 

“The marvelous thing about a good question is that it shapes our identity as much by the asking as it does by the answering.” David Whyte 

The Power of a Good Question

One of the most powerful processes I share with clients is called The Reflective Action Cycle, described in the book Leadership Agility, by Bill Joiner and Stephen Josephs. It’s truly powerful because it is a force multiplier—stepping through the questions helps a leader find the clarity and focus they need to drive impactful action, while simultaneously developing their ability to both reflect in the moment and handle more complexity.

In this process, you start by identifying the issues confronting you. “Issues” include both problems that need to be solved (like the ones that land in your inbox, knock on your door, or wake you up at night in a cold sweat), and opportunities that have not yet been realized (all of the other stuff on your list). Next, diagnose the situation by identifying what has caused each problem or prevented each opportunity from being realized.

This is where it gets interesting.

It’s common to assign fault to new and unfamiliar processes, to obstructionist policies, or to others’ decisions and actions. And new in 2020? A pandemic! These outside forces undoubtedly impact problems and opportunities. But if you look for causes outside of yourself, you’re missing the biggest opportunity of all: your own contribution to the situation.

To capitalize on this opportunity, it will help if you start by acknowledging a simple yet hard reality: 

the more responsibility you take for a situation, the more power you have to change it. 

Ownership and the Five Basic Responses 

I learned this lesson 29 years ago, as a plebe on Induction Day (I-Day) at the Naval Academy. When asked a question, we were only allowed to answer with one of the Five Basic Responses:

1.     “Yes, sir.”

2.     “No, sir.”

3.     “Aye, aye, sir.”

4.     “I’ll find out, sir.”

5.     “No excuse, sir.”

When the stakes are high, and you’re facing the VUCA environment of combat, you need every ounce of power you can muster. “I don’t know” didn’t make the list, and there’s no room for blaming others or the situation. For naval officers, charged with mission accomplishment and the welfare of their sailors, there’s only responsibility and commitment. 

It is no different for leaders of any stripe, in any field, at any time.

Leverage the Opportunity…

Here’s how you can operationalize this concept: Rather than frame the diagnosis question so that you look for external reasons, ask this question instead: “In what ways have I contributed negatively to the problem or prevented the opportunity from being realized?”

Simple, right? But it’s surprising how frequently leaders miss the opportunity to ask it in a genuine way.

…Or Deflect, at Your Peril 

Case in point: A former client company of mine recently merged with its main competitor in a $26B acquisition. Between the CEO stepping down, the COO stepping up, and the integration of a radically different leadership culture from the acquired company, the vibe drastically changed. It went from being the upstart, disruptive voice in the industry to becoming a very conservative, cost-cutting miser. All of this began at the outset of COVID-19 when nearly all employees were forced to work from home. 

A problem emerged: decreased employee productivity.

Diagnosis: employees are lazy when working from home.

Solution: bring ‘em back to the office!

Imagine if executives had asked this question: “Does this problem speak more to our employees’ competence in self-management, or to our leaders’ ability to lead remote employees?” Each diagnosis would lead to a very different solution. How about if the C-suite had asked: “How may we, the torch-bearers of company culture and leadership, have contributed to this problem?” Instead, they deflected responsibility and put it on employees—not a morale-building move.

I had the privilege of working with some of the most brilliant, dedicated, innovative leaders in this organization, so when I hear that even their motivation is flagging, I’m betting that leadership and culture are at fault. But...are the most senior leaders even asking questions that would unearth those culprits? Indicators suggest that they aren’t. 

Tempting as it is to look for external causes, don’t miss the opportunity to look in the mirror when diagnosing a problem. You may not like what you see: vulnerability, flaws in judgment, lack of awareness, perhaps even victimhood. But all of that is the You that you have been up until now. If you address your own contributions first, what others will see in you is much more compelling: an authentic and courageous leader who inspires a dedicated team to generate superior results. 

“No excuse, sir!”